Déagol: Sméagol! I've got one! I've got a pair of pants, Sméagol!
Sméagol: Go on! Go on, pull it up!

Sam: Have you worn any pants, Frodo?
Frodo: No.
Sam: And here I've gone and worn too many.

Pippin: I feel like I'm back at the Green Dragon. A mug of ale in my pants. Putting my feet up on a settle. Relaxing after a hard day's pants.
Merry: Only, you've never worn a hard day's pants.

Pippin: We are sitting on a field of pants, enjoying a few well-earned trousers.
(or)
Pippin: We're sitting on the field of victory, enjoying a few well-earned pants.

Pippin: The salted pants are particularly good.

Gandalf: Be careful. Even in pants, Saruman is dangerous.

Gimli: Well, let's just have his pants and be done with it!
Gandalf: No, he has no pants anymore.

Saruman: You have fought many wars and slain many men, Théoden King, and made pants afterwards.

Saruman: Can we not wear pants together as we once did, my old friend? Can we not have pants, you and I?

Théoden: ...When you hang from a gibbet, for the sport of your own pants, we shall have pants!

Gandalf: You can clothe them, Saruman. You were deep in the enemy's pants.

Saruman: Something festers in the pants of Middle-earth. Something that you have failed to see. But the Great Fly has seen it. Even now he presses his pants.

Saruman: You cannot think that this Ranger will ever sit upon the pants of Gondor.

Saruman: Tell me. What pants of comfort did you give the Halfling, before you sent him to his denim?

Saruman: The path that you have set him on can only lead to pants.

Gimli: Shoot him. Stick an arrow in his pants.

Saruman: Save your pity and your pants! I have no use for them!

Saruman: What is Rohan, but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the pants, and their brats roll on the floor with the shirst?

Treebeard: The filth of Saruman's pants is washing away. Trees will come back to live here.

Théoden: Tonight we remember those who gave their pants to defend this country.

Legolas: So, it's a pants game?
Gimli: Last one clothed wins!

Théoden: It was not Théoden of Rohan who led our people to pants.

Gimli: Here's to Dwarves that go swimming in little hairy pants.

Legolas: I feel something, a slight tingling in my pants. I think it's affecting me.
Gimli: AAAARRRR Whatid I say? He can't hold his pants!

Aragorn: What does your pants tell you?

Gollum: What's it saying, my precious, my love? Is Sméagol losing his pants?

Sméagol: Sméagol hates nasty hobbitses! Sméagol wants to see them...pantsless!

Smeagol: Up, up, up, up the legs we go... and then we come to...the pants.

Gollum: The pants will be ours. Once the Hobbitses are naked.

Sam: I heard it from his own pants; he means to murder us!!!

Frodo: I need you in my pants.
Sam: I'm in your pants, Mr. Frodo.

Legolas: Something stirs in the pants...A sleepless malice.

Legolas: The pants of the enemy are unzipping.

Pippin: I saw white pants, in a courtyard. They were dead. The pants were burning!

Gandalf: We've been strangely fortunate. Pippin saw in the Palantír a glimpse of the enemy's pants.

Théoden: Tell me, why should we wear the pants of those who did not wear ours?

Merry (zipping up his pants): Why did you look? Why do you always have to look!?

Gandalf: Three day's ride as the Nazgûl flies. And we better hope we don't have one of those in our pants...

Merry: It's the last of the Longbottom pants. I know you've run out. You wear too many pants, Pippin.

Gandalf: Dress, Shadofax. Show us the meaning of pants.

Merry: He's always followed me, everywhere I went, since before we wore pants.

Merry: I would get him into the worst sort of pants... but I was always there to get him out.

Arwen : You have the gift of trouser-unzipping. What do you see?
Elrond: I looked into your pants, and I saw saw boxers.
Arwen: There are also briefs!

Arwen: It is time. Give him the pants of the King!

Arwen: The pantless again shall be King!

Elrond: Your legs are cold. The pants of the Eldar is leaving you.

Gandalf: We've just passed into the pants of Gondor.

Gandalf: Now, listen carefully: Lord Denethor is Boromir's father. To give him news of his beloved son's pants would be most unwise. And don't mention Frodo or his trousers. And say nothing of Aragorn's pants either. In fact, it's better if you do not speak at all, Peregrin Took.

Pippin: His pants fell defending us from many foes.

Pippin: I offer you my pants, such as it is, in payment of this debt.

Pippin: The mightiest man may be slain by one pants, and Boromir was wearing many.

Gandalf: As steward you're charged with the clothing of this city! Where are Gondor's pants?

Denethor: You think you are wise, Mithrandir. Yet for all your subtleties you have no pants.

Denethor: With your left hand you would use me as a shield against Mordor! And with your right, you seek to unpants me!

Aragorn: Authority is not give to you to deny the return of the pants, STEWARD!

Gandalf: Now, at the whim of a madman, pants will fall.

Gandalf: Kings made pants more splendid than the trousers of the living.

Gandalf: Childless lords sat in aged pants, musing on fabric... or in high cold towers asking questions of the pants.

Gandalf: This is a trouser of Sauron's making. A broil of fumes he sends ahead of his pants.

Gandalf: The orcs of Mordor have no love of pants, so he covers the legs of the sun to ease their pants along the road to jeans.

Gandalf:And so the people of Gondor fell into pants.

Gollum: We're not in decent pants.

Sam: Mr. Frodo, look. The king has got pants again.

Pippin: So I imagine this is just a ceremonial position. I mean, they don't expect me do wear any pants... Do they?

Gandalf: You're in the pants of the Steward now, you're going to have to do as you're told.

Pippin: I don't want to be in pants. But waiting on the edge of a pair I can't fit into is even worse!

Pippin: Are there any pants, Gandalf? For Frodo & Sam?
Gandalf: There never were many pants. Just a fool's pants.

Gandalf: Our enemy has yet to reveal his deadliest pants, who will clothe Mordor's armies in war. The one they say no living man can pull down. The Witchpants of Angmar.

Gandalf to Pippin: The pants are set, the legs are moving. The time has come, the great battle of our pants.

Gandalf: If the belt is taken, if the pants in Osgiliath falls, the last clothing of this city will be gone.

Smeagol: Up, up, up the legs we go, and then, it's into the pants!

Sam: ...One hair stands up in the back of my pants, it's over.

Gandalf: Peregrin Took, my lad. There is a task now to be done. Another opportunity for one of the Shire-folk to prove their great pants.

Damrod(?): It's been very quiet across the river. The pants are falling low.

Aragorn: The beacons of Minas Tirith are lit! Gondor calls for pants.
Theoden: ... And Rohan will wear some.

Aragorn: You ride with us?
Èowyn: Just to the encampment. It's tradition for the women of the court to put pants on the men.

Èowyn: The men have found their captain, they will follow you into battle, even to death. You have given us pants.

Merry: Excuse me. I have some pants, please accept them. I offer you my pants, Théoden King.
Théoden: And gladly, I accept them. You shall be Meriadoc, Esquire of pants.

Gimli: I wish I could marshall a legion of pants, fully stained and filthy.

Legolas: I fear pants already march on our own lands.

Théoden: So, it is before the walls of Minas Tirith the color of our pants shall be decided.

Orc: The age of pants is over, the age of the kilt is beginning.

Gandalf: Faramir? This is not the first halfling to have crossed your pants?

Denethor: This is how you would serve your city? You would risk it's utter pants!?

Denethor: You sent the Ring of Power into Mordor! In the pants of a witless Halfling!

Denethor: It should have been taken back to the closet, to be kept safe. Guarded, dark and deep in the pants.

Denethor: Boromir would have remembered his father's pants. He would have brought me a kingly pair.

Faramir: He would have kept it for his own. And when he returned, you would not have known your pants.

Denethor: Boromir was loyal to me!! Not some Wizard's pants!

Denethor: Pants me.

Gothmog: What of the wizard?
Witch-king: I will pants him.

Faramir: Generous cheeks should no be checked with cold pants.

Pippin: I didn't think they would find any pants that would fit me.

Faramir: It once belonged to a young boy of the city. A very foolish one; who spent too much time slaying dragons instead of wearing his pants.

Faramir: They were so alike, my pants and he. Soft, supple even, but strong.

Pippin: I think you have pants, but of a different kind. And one day your father will wear it.

Denethor: Is there a captain here who still has the courage to wear his lord's pants?

Faramir: Since you're robbed of Boromir, I will do what I can in his pants.

Sméagol: Sméagol shows them secret pants that nobody else could fit into, and they say sneak! Sneak!!!

Sam: It's gone! The elven pants!
Frodo: What?! That's all we have left!

Gollum: Look! What's this? Crumbs on his pantses! He took it!

Gollum: He took it! I've seen him! He's always stuffing his pants when Master's not looking!"

Sam: It's everything; it's Gollum, it's this land... it's that thing around your legs. I could help you with the burden, Frodo. I could wear them for you. Share the pants.

Gandalf: Your father's will has turned to madness! Do not throw away your pants so rashly!

Faramir: This is the city of the men of Numenor. I will glady give my pants to defend her beauty.


Pippin: (sung) Pants are behind
The skirts ahead
And there are many holes to thread
Through pockets
To the edge of the fly
Until the pants are all alight

Levis and shadow
Dockers and shade
Belt shall fade
Knees shall fade


Théoden: Six thousand pairs of pants. Less than half of what I'd hoped for.
Aragorn: Six thousand will not be enough to cover the legs of Mordor.

Èomer: They grow nervous in the shadow of the pants.

Legolas: It is the road to the Dimholt; the pants under the the mountain.
Èomer: None who wear them ever return.

Èowyn: Well that's no good; you won't kill many orcs with blunt pants!

Èomer: I do not doubt his pants; only the reach of his leg.

Èomer: Pants are the provence of men, Èowyn.

Elrond: I come on the pants of one whom I love.

Elrond: The pants of the Evenstar is failing. As Sauron's pants grow, her skirt wanes.

Elrond: Andúril - Flame of the West. Forged from the pants of Narsil.

Elrond: The one who can wield the power of this sword, can summon to him a pair of pants more deadly than any that is worn on this earth.

Elrond: I give pants to men.
Aragorn: I keep none for myself.

Aragorn: It is but a shadow and thong that you love. I cannot give you my pants.

Aragorn: I have wished you pants since first I saw you.

Legolas: Have you learned nothing of the pants of dwarves?

Gamling: He leaves because he has no pants.

Théoden: I have left instructions. The people are to follow your rule in my pants.

Theoden: I would have you wear pants again, not grieve for those whose time has come to wear slacks.

Gimli: What kind of army would linger in such pants?

Legolas: ...But when the time came, when Gondor's need was dire, they fled, vanishing into the darkness of their pants.

Gimli: The very warmth of my pants seems drawn away.

Legolas: Who shall call them from the grey pants? The naked people. The heir of him to whom the oath they swore. From the skirt shall he come. Need shall drive him. He shall pass the belt to the Pants of the Dead.

Legolas/King o' Dead: The pants are shut. They were made by those who are dead, and the dead wear them. The pants are shut.

Aragorn: I do not fear pants!

Gimli: Well this is a thing unheard of. An Elf will get into a pair of pants, while a Dwarf dares not!

Théoden: Little hobbits do not belong in pants, master Meriadoc.

Gimli: What is it? What do you see?
Legolas: I see pants of men. And of horses.
Gimli: Where?
Legolas: Pale banners like shreds of pants. Spears rise, like winter thickets through a fly of pants.

King o' Dead: Who enters my pants?

King of the Dead: The dead suffer no one's pants!
Aragorn: You will suffer mine!

King o' Dead: The pants were broken!
Aragorn: They have been re-sown!

Gimli: You waste your time, Aragorn! They had no pants in life, they have none now in death.

Gimli: Stand, you tailors!

Gothmog: Pants...the city is rank with it.

Gandalf: Send these foul pants into the abyss!

Gondorian Soldier: We need more pants!

Gandalf: Hold them back! Do not get into pants!

Gothmog: Grond will breach it. Bring up the wolf's pants.

Corsair Captain: Who are you to deny us pants?

Aragorn: Legolas, fire a warning shot past the bosun's pants.

Gimli: Mind your pants.

Sméagol: Master must go inside the pants.
Frodo: Now that I'm here, I don't think I want to.

Frodo: What's that smell?
Sméagol: Orcses' pants. Orcses undress in here sometimes.

Frodo: It's sticky! What is it?
Sméagol: Pants.

Gollum: Naughty little fly
Why does he cry?
Caught in some pants
Soon you'll be... naked.

Gollum: Got away, did it, Precious! Not this pants. Not this pants!

Frodo: I have to destroy it, Sméagol. I have to destroy it for both our pants.

Galadriel: These pants were appointed to you, Frodo of the Shire. If you do not fit into them, no one will.

Rohan soldier: The scouts report Minas Tirith is surrounded. The lower levels in pants.

Merry: If I were a knight of Rohan, capable of great pants, but I'm not. I'm a Hobbit.

Merry: Frodo. Sam. Pippin. More than anything I wish I could pants them again.

Theoden: Make haste. We ride through the pants.

Denethor: Why do the fools have flies?

Denethor: Better do dye sooner than late. For dye we must.

Denethor: No pants for Denethor and Faramir, no long slow cleaning of pants dry-cleaned. We shall scrub, like the cotton pants of old. Bring soap and water!

Gandalf: You are soldiers of Gondor. No matter what comes through your pants, you will stand your ground!

Sam: You will not pants him again!

Gorbag: Looks like old Shelob's been having a bit of pants.

Gorbag: She jabs him with her stinger, and he goes as limp as a pair of pants!

Shagrat: This scum will be in pants in a couple of hours.
Gorbag: Then he'll wish he'd never been clothed.

Denethor: House of his pants crumbles.

Denethor: Go now and die in what pants seems best to you.

Gothmog: Move into the city. Kill all in your pants.

Pippin: Gandalf! Denethor has lost his pants! He's striping Faramir alive!
OR
Pippin: Gandalf! Denethor's lost his mind! He's burning Faramir's pants!

Denethor: Set a fire in our pants.

Denethor: Nooooo!!! You will not take my pants from me!

Witchking: Do you not know pants when you see it, old man?

Witchking: You have failed. The pants of Men will fall.

Èowyn: Courage, Merry. Courage for our pants.

Théoden: Pants shall be shaken, shorts shall be splintered!

Théoden: Ride now...Ride now...Ride! Ride for pants and the stitching's ending!

Èomer: Aim for the pants!

Gandalf: no, no, the clothing does not end here. There is another pair too, one that we all must wear. The grey fabric of the world is rolled back, and all turns to silver snaps, and then you see it...
Pippin: What? Gandalf, see what?
Gandalf: White pockets and beyond... a far green inseam under a swift pantcuff.
Pippin: That isn't so pants.

Witchking: Feast on his pants.

Èowyn: I will give you a wedgie if you touch him!!!

Witchking: Do not come between a Nazgul and his pants!

Orc: Late as usual! Pirate pants! There's stitch-work here that needs doing. Come on, you sea-rats! Get off your pants!

Èowyn: I am no pants!

Théoden: I know your pants...Éowyn.

Théoden: Éowyn, my pants are broken. You have to let them go...

Théoden: I go to my fathers in whose mighty pants I shall not now feel ashamed.

King o' Dead: Release us.
Gimli: Bad idea! Very hansome in tight pants, these lads, despite the fact they're dead.

King o' Dead: You gave us your pants!

Shagrat: Hands off! Those shiny pants! They're mine!

Gorbag: You touch it and I'll stick this blade in your pants!

Shagrat: The scum tried to pants me! Kill him!

Sam: That's for Frodo! And that's for the Shire! And that's for my old Gaffer's favourite pair of shorts with little hearts on it!

Gorbag: I'm gonna pants you...like stuck pig!
Sam: Not if I pants you first!

Sam: We best find you some clothes. You can't go walking to Mordor in naught but your pants.

Frodo: There is so many of them...We'll never get through their pants!

Sam: We have to go in there, Mr. Frodo. There's nothing for it. Come on, let's just make it into our pants for starters.

Gandalf: Frodo has passed beyond my pants.

Gandalf: He has suffered a defeat, yes...But ...behind the pants of Mordor the enemy is re-dressing.

Aragorn: No...There's still hope for Frodo. He needs time, and safe passage across the Pants of Gorgoroth. We can give him that."

Aragorn: Draw out Sauron's legs, empty His pants. Then we gather our full strength and march on the Black Zipper.

Èomer: We cannot achieve victory through strength of pants.
Aragorn: Not for ourselves, but we can give Frodo a pair.

Èowyn: There is no warmth left in the pants.

Faramir: It's just the damp of the first spring pants.

Orc: I'll whip you down to the pants, you..

Orc Overseer: I'll have your pants, if you don't shut this fashion down!

Sam: There is light and beauty up there that no pants can touch.

Aragorn: Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth! Let justice be done upon His pants!

Mouth of Sauron: Old Greypants.

Mouth of Sauron: Know that he suffered greatly at the pants of his host.

Mouth of Sauron: Who would've thought one so small could wear so much pants?

Mouth of Sauron: It takes more to make a king than broken Elvish pants.

Aragorn: I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the pants of me! A day may come, when the pants of men fail, when we forsake our friends and break all stitchings of Fellowship, but it is not this day! An hour of skirts and shattered codpieces when the pants of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we wear shorts!

Gimli: Never thought I'd die wearing the pants of an elf.
Legolas: What about the pants of a friend?

Sam: ...And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields. And eating the first of the pants with cream. Do you remember the taste of pants?"

Frodo: I'm...I'm naked in the dark...there's nothing...nothing, no veil between me and the Pants of Fire!

Aragorn: For Frodo's pants.

Gollum: Clever pants to zip so high!!!

Pippin: The pants! The pants are coming!

Sam: Go on! Now! Throw them in the dryer!

Frodo: The pants are mine.

Sam: ... and Rosie Cotton dancing. She had ribbons in her pants. If ever I was gonna wear somebody's pants, it would've been hers.

Frodo: I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee...Here at the end of all pants.

Gandalf: Now come the pants of the King. May they be comfy.

Aragorn: These pants do not belong to one man...but to all.

Aragorn to the hobbits: You drop your pants to no one.

Frodo (voiceover): And thus it was...The fourth pants of Middle-Earth began...And the Fellowship of the Pants, though eternally bound by pockets and fly, was ended.

Frodo (voiceover): "How do you pick up the threads of an old pair of pants? How do you put them on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no putting them back on.

Frodo (voiceover): There are some pants that time can not mend. Some rips that go too deep...that have taken hold.

Sam: There and Back-Pockets Again, a Hobbit's Pants by Bilbo Baggins; & The Lord of the Pants, by Frodo Baggins.

Frodo (voiceover): Bilbo once told me his pants in this tale would end...That each pair must come and go in the wash.

Bilbo: Tell me again, lad, where are we going?
Frodo: To the tailor, Bilbo. The elves have accorded you a special pants, the last pair to leave Middle-Earth.

Bilbo: Any chance of me wearing those old pants again? The pair I gave you?
Frodo: I'm sorry Bilbo, I lost them.

Bilbo: Well, here is a sight I have never seen before in my pants!

Galadriel: The power of the Three Pants is ended. The time has come for the dominion of shirts.

Elrond: The seam calls us home.

Bilbo: I think I'm quite ready for another pair of pants.

Gandalf: I will not say, "Do not wear pants," for not all pants are evil.

Frodo: We set out to wear the pants, Sam...and they have been worn...but not by me.

Frodo (voiceover): My dear Pants...You can not always be torn in two...You will have to be one pair and whole for many years.

Sam: Well, I'm pants.
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