Übergaming
by Casey Jespon
© 2000


The brand-new Atari system is sweeping the nation.
It’s the coolest thing.
My friends come over to play Moon Patrol with me.
I’m pretty good at Asteroids.
What’s this? Nintendo? That’s a funny name.
$75 for three days, we rent one. This is fun!
I wish I owned one.
Then one night on my front porch,
A Nintendo! Thanks, Dad! We own a Nintendo!
I can get to level 7 on Super Mario Bros.
Oh yeah? Well I can beat Wizards & Warriors.
Ha! I own all five Mega Man games.
I also have a Gameboy.
I don’t play it much, all it has is Tetris.
Do my ears decieve me?
There’s now a Super Nintendo?
I can’t afford one yet.
Ok, so it’s a little later. Now I own one.
Say, this is fun. Final Fantasy 2 kicks ass.
Too bad no one would buy my old Atari.
What’s this? Sega Genesis?
I better buy one before it gets obselete.
YAWN. What’s next?
Hmm, Sony Playstaion or Nintendo 64?
Playstation has the next Final Fantasy.
But my friends own Nintendo 64s.
I’ll buy them both. I’m sure the bank will give me another loan.
Man, and I thought Donkey Kong Country had good graphics.
I also play Pokemon on Game Boy.
Well I’ve beat Sepiroth and collected 1000 stars on Mario Party.
Now I play Pokemon on N64.
Ooh, Sega Dreamcast.
I’ll just eat breakfast every other morning.
Aah, Playstation2.
If I sell my other kidney I’ll afford a Microsoft X-Box.
Well, I’ve beat every game on every console. What now?
Hey hey, Sony and Sega combined for the
"Songa Multi-Dimensional 900-bit Transduesalinversionator."
It has 37 different buttons and its own sattelite systems!
To get the Total Emersion video game Better Than Life,
I’ll need only two more morgages.
Uh oh, economic recession.
I have no house, no food, and no electricity.
Who will buy my 23 systems complete with 1,938 games?
No one? What was the point?
At least I still have my old Atari.

Satire. I had to do a report for a class about a newspaper article, and I chose this one about the upcoming Sega Dreamcast, Nintendo Dolphin, Sony Playstation 2, and Microsoft X-Box. It made me want to puke.

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