I'm Normal!
by Casey Jespon
© 2000


People say I’m strange.
But those people don’t know what normal is.
I think other people are weird.
They are afraid to speak in front of a large crowd.
What’s so bad about having complete strangers
know what a horrible voice you have?
At least I don’t stutter.....
Except when I’m stuttering.
And I love making a complete ass of myself
for others’ enjoyment. Who doesn’t?
It’s normal to make other people feel good
without any sense of self-pride.
It gives me pride sing "Normal Al" songs in front of my class
and expect nothing in return.
They owe me.
And so what if I’m a better writer than anyone else?
They’re weird because they can’t write an entire poem
about breasts
and still make friends.
Some say I think about breasts too much;
but breasts are the most normal thing in the world.
Everybody has them.
What bugs me is when people don’t think that breasts
should be shown on television,
whereas gratuitous bloodshed goes unchecked.
Violence can be used to kill people.
Without breasts, no one would grow up.
And why can’t guys wear dresses without being gay?
Ed Wood wore dresses. And he was normal.
Not that there’s anything unusual about being gay.
People who think so should be forced to wear womens’ clothes.
I’d go as far as wearing a stuffed bra and a garter belt
just to prove how normal I am.
Nobody wants to see themselves naked,
yet they want to see other people naked.
I want to see everybody naked;
then the world would be more normal.
Nudity is more normal than clothing; it came first.
In a normal world, everbody would get along
with their other personalities.
And they would would end sentences with prepositions with.
The only kind of aracnophobia on the planet
should be in a movie starring Jeff Daniels.
And Jim Carrey would be president.
I like chopping down trees by ax;
a chainsaw just doesn’t give you a workout.
It’s normal to be strong,
no matter how weak you are.
And the weirdest people are the people like my mom.
People that have to be in bed by ten.
People who try to stump movie buffs by asking
who said "E.T. phone home!"
Try this on for height & weight:
"We were thinking of becoming taxidermists,
and wanted to get the feel of it from the animal’s point of view."
Now THAT’S normal.

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