Stormtrooper in Drag
by Casey Jespon
© 2002
by Casey Jepson

Oh what a pooper to be a trooper
A stormtrooper in drag
To be a clone away from home
And always going stag
When Jedi knights in orange tights
Are wanking in the tub
While I just sit in smoke & spit
In the darkest local pub
I pass out twice in piles of mice
My helmet breaks the floor
Why does part 3 of the trilogy
Come after episode 4?
The canteen stinks! It hurts to think
My ass is falling out
Of my pleated skirt and tucked-in skirt
I stole from a girl scout
I'm going home to the gnarly gnomes
And their trees of gnarled pine
Where blue vampires inhale fires
And drink your blood like wine
With a shot gin, to my chargrin
It tastes like tomato soup
And the pixie-whores waiting in the doors
Je t'aime plus boucoup
I flag one down with a couple crowns
For a lapdance and a shag
She always flirts but oh! it hurts
To be a stormtrooper in drag

I sleep too late to feel irate
Yet my head it crunches & churns
My back is bent my drive is spent
And how my esophogus burns
The fairies drink the potions pink
Yet I'd prefer a pill
To clear my head and wake the dead
And help me pay my bill
But I must alas! get off my ass
For duty calls like lunch
The battle-droids play Arkanoid
And Yoda's got a hunch
That Count Dooku and me and you
Are slacking on the job
But I've got an hour to take a shower
And polish off my nob
But Jango Fett best not forget
He owes me 80 quid
I lent him for a neighborhood whore
He snogged when just a kid
I see him here in the mirror
To be a clone of some old fag
Is even worse than the sequined purse
Of a stormtrooper in drag

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