Ralph Hamilen is killed by something that isn't limited to but hopefully is red or something that could be either some random thingy-boo or something green so if you see anything please cheerily throw all caution out the window and eat the beef at Joes thank you very much
Joe's bakery managing staff
But first I don't know how to spell, that is if you're thinking about spelling in the conventional manner and not the other manner, the whone who ate all the beef at the afore mentioned Bakery was in fact, that is if facts aren't pencils or some other random rubbish that isn't otherwise fact worthy Named speciffically Ralph whose last name is aforementioned so enjoy all the teryaki at my house
Lovingly yours or his (I'm still now sure which)
Joe, Manager of Joes Tofu hut and
quasi-dimensional steak bakery!
P.S. I've wanted to have Sexual relations with a female human, that is a female who isn't not human thank you verry little! my good cheesewhiz flower I must leave you with my dog's thoughts so you survive the long submersional Prosses or maybe not...
But if you don't want to I'm not stopping you, to leave you have to cross the boiling snake pit filled with rabid Wombats. So if you don't please, the cats that aren't all Brenty may leave, or not stay if they so choose! the idiot that scripted this for me was in fact a very french individual indeed! for he likes trout almond,y for the smokked kippers at christmas but this whole thingy is a load of three day decomposed crappy toilet paper! so fart-off you kilt wearing pirahana before I have to kiss you soundly!!
Kindly yours,
Joe, the towel-maker and proprieter of that
aforementioned Steak Bakery that is in fact
that is, not in non-fact inside of the large
Quasi-dimension and located right between
the Starbucks and the Mc Donalds in the
mall
across the street from the burger
tofu barn that doubles as a laundry, that was
aforementoned of course.
"but if we don't make a walrus out of 16 year old sausage meat who is going to travel outsied the timestream?" asked Billy the new trainiee at my baker's haven, although i haven't baked any quasi-dinensions in a while, I have however eaten a lot of steak, that is, I suppose, aforementioned. But, wombats and cream the pretty pretty princess eats ham out of my hands every lunchnoondinner not only my grandfather is a candy pingopongo but the king said that i should do more things with his younger sister, the dutchess of wingeaters and my barbie tony decided for me that if i didn't angels were going to beat me about the sides of the ankles with tooth picks until I yelled for large sports car flaovred meat sticks, but that's another story alformentoined, I gotta be flying off the handle in a month so 'd better go
Joe, has been
aforementioned...
(that's what you get for baking steaks again...)
(advert)
WELCOME TO JOE'S INTERDIMENSIONAL
TOFU HUT AND HOTDOG SHACK,
from the creater of a certain aforementoined steak
bakery that was obvoiusly aforementioned
but you already knew that didn't you
for that stern price of, oh let's say shit, and only 'cause we're bedroom buddies, you can enjoy these delicacies:
candied yak,
for that minty fresh groinal software taste!
monkied walrus,
today's only nickle wombat hematite, get them while they last!!
pickled dartboards,
a new item to this menagerie of saving throws,if you pass then you'll enjoy!!
down down and bottom, tell me what i will fly upon next time I fly TWAUSairDeltaAlaskaAirHonalulu hovercraft carpet gameboy headphones if you don't I'll eat your cat's refridgerator!!!
DON'T MAKE ME AFOREMENTION YOU!!!
ok, ok, ok, ok, this has all been comebeforedme but the monkey's that have bigger quills than me told me too.... well eat at the greatest tofu towel producteory with the aforementioned steak that munches innocently on steak (cannibalistic steak makes for great brujah) in the quasi-dimension of the mind of the great and intolerable one... but that was aforementioned I think, oh wel tibbity-boo at all that wot... oh yeah remember kids, chiuauas are breakable, but not indespensible so always take them out to lunch after the squirrels have been walked...
The people who register too sleep outside the steak-bakery are unaware that its aforementioned fate has yet to be determined. When I say undetermined I mean that our poor hero (Ralph, not Joe remember the story's about Ralph, not Joe) has not only been left behind, but completely forgotten about. Does this mean that the foreign wombats will have fight for global supremacy amongst the pygmy tribes of cannibus worshipping jackals in the deepest jungles of darkest africa, or do I just need to shut up? And then my friend you die, die, dye, my hair black. If I run out of noses, will I be able to beak stake? dammit my brain seems to have been aforementioned again.
A brief pamphlet of explanation:
What is aforementioning:
1)the series of events that lead up to the great universal merger where TIME-WARNER-AOL-DISNEY-WEINSTEIN-APPLE-SONY-IKEA-BALLARD joined with MICROSOFT. (FORMERLY: Wendy’s, MacDonald’s, Philips-Magnavox, Nintendo of Japan, Taco Bell, Deja-vu Showgirls, Boeing, Taboo Video, JamminCorp [formerly: Jeff’s house of cool. Joe’s explosive endevour, and Mokey’s on Parade], Laz-Y-Boy, REI)
2)the instable universal flux that causes subatomic particles to randomly pop into and out of existence.
3)the feeling like its all lot of oysters and no pearls
4)Removal from the cheesy heart of the universe.
5) being replaced by a small Turkish rug.
6) Failing the Turing Test while remaining completely organic.
How not to get aforementioned:
1) bathe regularly and remember to wash behind your tentacles.
2) Stay out of plural letter sectors of the galaxy
3)resist temptation
4)remain inside one continuum for the duration of your lifetime.
The effects of being aforementioned:
1) scent like unwashed yak
2) ambition to become toastmasters gavel
3) inability to participate in simple causality
4) rabid need and desire to consume all types of rock sandwiches (wherein the bread is replaced with one kind of rock (usually slate because its flat) and the meat is replaced with another kind of rock (usually sandstone for contrast and iodine content). With liberal portions of mayonnaise, mustard and cheddar cheese you may have a snack that is wholly unappetizing)
How to resist the effects of being aforementioned:
1)go to the nearest steak-bakery and acquire some plutonium
2) hit the tofu hut for the depleted uranium.
3) create fission within your microwave by combining the two inside an aluminum container.
4) inquire about the effects of super-position on possibly expired felines.
5) maintain individuality by remembering that if “they” cannot see you, then they do not exist.
6) fry small wombats in sulfur for the most effective release of flavor
How to return from being aforementioned:
1)give up hope
2) realize that you’ve been aforementioned
3) continue to be aforementioned
4) stop trying to not be aforementioned
5) understand the nature of the universe and reach the zen stage where complete understand of the great universal nothingness is realized and therefore instantaneous translation from one point to another is not only possible but mandatory., then understand that the universe hates smart-asses and remain aforementioned
6) Deal with it.
Who aforementioned Ralph Hamlien?
1)Joe
Why did Joe Aforemention Ralph?
1) It seemed like a good way to spread the word about his new operation: “The Bake-Steakery!”
How did Joe Aforemention Ralph?
1)Judicious use of Worcestershire sauce and several bananas.
2) sixteen virgins of legal age and good reputation
3) seventeen bison castrato
4) a very very large cannon
5)cider
6) a certified “Vixen” of the “Amazon” variety belonging to house “Valkyrie”
7) churches
8)room temperature super-conductors.
9) three photon accelerators
10)very small rocks
Did Ralph return from being Aforementioned:
1)I don’t know. I never made it without biting.
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