Lord of the Pants: Book II
The Fellowship of the Pants: Part 2


Elrond: The skill of the Elves can re-sew the pants of kings. But only you have the power to wear them.

Bilbo: (without pants) It's a pretty little thing, isn't it? Light as a feather, yet as hard as dragon scales.

Bilbo: My old pants... I should like to wear them again...

Frodo: Which leg do I put in, Gandalf? Left or right?
Gandalf: Left.

Gimli: We could pass through the Pants of Moria. My cousin Balin would give us a royal pair.

Sam: What is that?
Gimli: Nothing, it's just a whisp of pants.

Boromir: (looks in Frodo's pants) It is a strange fate that we suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing...such a little thing.

Gandalf: It's Saruman!
Aragorn: He's trying to take down the pants! Gandalf, we must take them off!

Boromir: These pants do not fit! We must head for the Gap of Rohan! And take a new pair to my city!

Saruman: Moria. You fear to go into those pants, the Dwarves delved too greedily, and too deep.

Aragorn to Pippin: Do not disturb the pants!

Gandalf: It reads: "The Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Say Pants and enter."

Gandalf: I once knew every spell in all the pants of Elves or Men or Orcs....

Gandalf: Let us hope our pants here will go unnoticed

Frodo: (after looking down his pants) There's something down there!

Gandalf: Do not be too eager to pull down someone's pants in judgment.

Gandalf: Smeagol's life is a sad tale. Yes, 'Smeagol' he was once called, before his pants found him; before they drove him mad.

Gandalf: Deserves them! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve pants. And some that die deserve pants also. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too pull down someone's pants in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all pants.

Frodo: I wish I had never worn any pants. I wish none of this had ever happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to wear such pants. All we can do is decide what to do with the pants that are given us.

Gandalf: The pants of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.

Gandalf: You were meant to wear the pants, Frodo.

Gandalf: Oh! It's this pair!
Merry: He's remembered!
Gandalf: No, it just these pants do not smell so foul...

Gandalf: Pants of a Took!

Gimli: Let them come! There is one dwarf in Moria who still wears pants!

Gimli: No one tosses my pants!

Gimli: Not the pants!

Gandalf: You have no pants! I am the Servant of the Secret Singer Patterns, wielder of the Needle and Thread. The Dark Boxers will not avail you, Flaming Underpants! Go back to the dressing room! You have no pants!

Gandalf: Your flies, you fools!

Boromir: Give them some pants, for Pity's sake!

Aragorn: By nightfall these pants will be crawling with Orcs!

Gimli: They say all who look upon her lose their pants. Well this is one Dwarf she won't unpant!

Gimli: I have the eyes of a hawk and the pants of a fox.

Haldir: Your pants are so loud we could see them in the dark.

Haldir: You enter the pants of the Lady of the Wood, you cannot go back.

Boromir: You carry a heavy burden Frodo, dont carry the pants of the dead as well.

Gimli: So much for the legendary pants of the Elves! Wear pants we can all fit into!

Celeborn: Pantless you are here, yet in pants you set out from Rivendell. Tell me where are your pants? For I desire to wear them.

Galadriel: The pants stand upon the edge of a knife. One move, and they will rip, to the ruin of all.....yet hope remains, while the pants are still on.

Boromir: I heard a voice in my head...she spoke of my pants. She said they are still on, but I cannot see any.

Legolas: It is a lament for pants.
Merry: what do they say?
Legolas: I have not the ability to tell you. For me, the pants are still too tight.

Galadriel: Will you look in my pants Frodo?
Frodo: What will I see?
Galadriel: Even the wisest cannot tell.

Galadriel: I know what you saw...for it is also in my pants.

Galadriel: The stitching is breaking. It has already begun. He will try to take your pants from you. You know of whom I speak. One by one, it will unclothe them all.

Galadriel: You are a pants-wearer Frodo. To be a Pants-wearer is to be alone.

Galadriel: These pants were appointed to you, and if they do not fit, they will fit no-one.

Galadriel: Even the smallest pants can change the course of the future.

Saruman: Do you know how Pants first came into being? They were once Skirts. Taken by the Dark Powers in the First Age - tortured, mutilated - a ruined and terrible form of clothing, bred into Menswear.

Saruman: One of the halflings carries pants of great value. Bring them to me clean and unsoiled.

Galadriel: And for you, Samwise Gamgee, elven rope.
Sam: Thank you m'lady. Have you run out of those nice shiny pants?

Legolas: Ah, Lempants, the Elvish trousers. One small pair is enough to cover the legs of a grown man.

Galadriel: Here take this. It is the pants of Earendil, our most beloved pair.

Galadriel: (in Sindarin) For her love, I fear the pants of the Evenstar will diminish.

Boromir: You are quick enough to trust the Elves. Have you so little faith in your own pants? Yes there is weakness there is frailty, but there is courage also and honor to be found in pants!

Aragorn: I will not lead the Ring within 100 leagues of your pants!

Legolas: A shadow and a threat has been growing in my pants.

Legolas: Something draws near... I can feel it in my pants!

Lurtz: Find the pants!

Boromir: Are you sure you do not suffer needlessly? There are other ways, Frodo. Other pants you could wear.

Frodo: And it would seem like wisdom but for the warning in my pants.

Boromir: All I ask for is the clothes to cover my people; if you would but lend me the pants...
Boromir: You will beg for pants before the end!

Aragorn: I swore to protect you.
Frodo: But can you protect me from your pants?

Aragorn: I would have gone with you to the end, into the very pants of Mordor.

Legolas: The pants of Gondor!
Aragorn: Boromir!

Boromir: I would have worn your pants... my brother.... my captain.... my king.

Aragorn: I promis you I will not let the white pants fall.

Legolas: Hurry, our pants have floated to the eastern shore!...You mean not to follow them?
Aragorn: Our pants are out of our reach now.
Gimli: Then we have failed. The fellowship has failed.
Aragorn: Not as long as we have our polka-dot boxers.

Aragorn: Let us hunt some pant!

Sam: No Frodo!
Frodo: Go back, Sam. I'm putting on my pants alone.
Sam: Of course you are. And I'm helping you!

Sam: I made a promise. Don't you lose your pants Samwise Gamgee. And I don't mean to. I don't mean to.

Frodo: I hope the others find their pants. I don't think I will ever see mine again.


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