The Lord of the Pants: Volume 3
The Return of the Pants
Part 2

Gandalf: You are soldiers of Gondor. No matter what comes through your pants, you will stand your ground!
Gothmog: Move into the city. Kill all in your pants.

Théoden: Pants shall be shaken, shorts shall be splintered!

Théoden: Ride now...Ride now...Ride! Ride for pants and the stitching's ending!

Pippin: Gandalf! Denethor's lost his mind! He's burning Faramir's pants!

Denethor: Set a fire in our pants.

Denethor: Nooooo!!! You will not take my pants from me!

Èomer: Aim for the pants!

Gandalf: no, no, the clothing does not end here. There is another pair too, one that we all must wear. And all turns to silver snaps, and the grey fabric of the world is rolled back, and then you see it...
Pippin: See what?
Gandalf: White pockets and a far green inseam under a swift pantcuff.
Pippin: That doesnt sound so pants.

Witchking: Feast on his pants.

Eowyn: I will give you a wedgie if you touch him!!!

Witchking: Come not between a Nazgul and his pants!

Orc: Late as usual! Pirate pants! There's stitch-work here that needs doing. Come on, you sea-rats! Get off your pants!

Eowyn: I am no pants!

Théoden: I know your pants...Éowyn.

Théoden: Éowyn, my pants are broken. You have to let them go...

Théoden: I go to my fathers in whose mighty pants I shall not now feel ashamed.

King o' Dead: Release us.
Gimli: Bad idea! Very hansome in tight pants, these lads, despite the fact they're dead.

Shagrat: Hands off! Those shiny pants! They're mine!

Gorbag: You touch it and I'll stick this blade in your pants!

Shagrat: The scum tried to pants me! Kill him!

Sam: That's for Frodo! And that's for the Shire! And that's for my old Gaffer's favourite pair of shorts with little hearts on it!

Gorbag: I'm gonna pants you...like stuck pig!
Sam: Not if I pants you first!

Sam: We best find you some clothes. You can't go walking to Mordor in naught but your pants.

Frodo: There is so many of them...We'll never get through their pants!

Sam: We have to go in there, Mr. Frodo. There's nothing for it. Come on, let's just make it into our pants for starters."

Gandalf: Frodo has passed beyond my pants.

Gandalf: He has suffered a defeat, yes...But ...behind the pants of Mordor the enemy is re-dressing.

Aragorn: No...There's still hope for Frodo. He needs time, and safe passage across the Pants of Gorgoroth. We can give him that."

Aragorn: "Draw out Sauron's legs, empty His pants. Then we gather our full strength and march on the Black Zipper."

Eomer: We cannot achieve victory through strength of pants.
Aragorn: Not for ourselves, but we can give Frodo a pair.

Aragorn: Let the Lord of the Black Land come forth! Let justice be done upon His pants!

Aragorn: I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the pants of me! A day may come, when the pants of men fail, when we forsake our friends and break all stitchings of Fellowship, but it is not this day! An hour of skirts and shattered codpieces when the pants of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we wear shorts!

Gimli: Never thought I'd die wearing the pants of an elf.
Legolas: What about the pants of a friend?

Sam: ...And they'll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields. And eating the first of the pants with cream. Do you remember the taste of pants?"

Frodo: I'm...I'm naked in the dark...there's nothing...nothing, no veil between me and the Pants of Fire!!

Aragorn: For Frodo's pants.

Gollum: Clever pants to zip so high!!!

Pippin: The pants! The pants are coming!

Frodo: The pants are mine.

Sam: ... and Rosie Cotton dancing. She had ribbons in her pants. If ever I was gonna wear somebody's pants, it would've been hers.

Frodo: I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee...Here at the end of all pants.

Gandalf: Now come the pants of the King. May they be comfy.

Aragorn: These pants do not belong to one man...but to all.

Aragorn to the hobbits: You drop your pants to no one.

Frodo (voiceover): And thus it was...The fourth pants of Middle-Earth began...And the Fellowship of the Pants, though eternally bound by pockets and fly, was ended.

Frodo (voiceover): "How do you pick up the threads of an old pair of pants? How do you put them on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no putting them back on.

Frodo (voiceover): There are some pants that time can not mend. Some rips that go too deep...that have taken hold.

Sam: There and Back-Pockets Again, a Hobbit's Pants by Bilbo Baggins; & The Lord of the Pants, by Frodo Baggins.

Frodo (voiceover): Bilbo once told me his pants in this tale would end...That each pair must come and go in the wash.

Bilbo: Tell me again, lad, where are we going?
Frodo: To the tailor, Bilbo. The elves have accorded you a special pants, the last pair to leave Middle-Earth.

Bilbo: Any chance of me wearing those old pants again? The pair I gave you?
Frodo: I'm sorry Bilbo, I lost them.

Bilbo: Well, here is a sight I have never seen before in my pants!

Galadriel: The power of the Three Pants is ended. The time has come for the dominion of shirts.

Elrond: The seam calls us home.

Bilbo: I think I'm quite ready for another pair of pants.

Gandalf: I will not say, "Do not wear pants," for not all pants are evil.

Frodo: We set out to wear the pants, Sam...and they have been worn...but not by me.

Frodo (voiceover): My dear Pants...You can not always be torn in two...You will have to be one pair and whole for many years.

Sam: Well, I'm pants.

Part 1
More LotR
Home